No idea how I passed that sobriety test.
Question: does he have any sense of self image? He looks slightly like he crawled out of the Euphrates after living as a fish for 20 years
you're out of your mind
you look like daphne blake and he looks like fozzie bear
it's like he rubbed a lamp and wished you into existence
you just used "cock block" and "youth group" in the same sentence. somethings wrong with you.
4 maple syrup blunts. Decided to sit on my roof and count the snowflakes that landed on my tongue. 84.
writing the newer testament. It's the 3rd for the series. I'll update u the rule changes later.
woman puking in liquor store parking lot at 9:30 on a tuesday morning = best commute ever.
I just bought a vibrating toothbrush with my parents FSA insurance card because I'm too broke for a vibrator. New.Level.Of.Low.
going to a night class in lingerie so i can quickly go to his house after.
and I think you ate the old crusty spaghetti on the counter when we came home last night judging by the carnage
Dude, you punched me in the face bc I wasnt ordering your tbell fast enough. Then when you got it, you threw it out the window bc, and I quote, "OBAMACAREEEE!"
My cousin is passed out in my room, so I just masturbated in my walk-in closet. Apparently I get off on danger. Make note of that.
Theyll love you, its bunch of older ladies who drink whisky and sours and talk about the sex seans in Game of Throwns
Far too many of our conversations end in us talking about sperm
Is she blowing you? I'm in the closet.
Randomize