I know, he also has a fancy car to make up for his tiny penis
dude sorry about putting my finger in your butt last nite i was wasted and thought it was mine
i turned job hunting into a drinking game..
Why are my keys in the refrigerator?
You said "This is gonna really confuse me tomorrow." Apparently drunk you plays pranks on hungover you.
This explains so much.
He called my vagina a rainforest. This is coming from a guy whose pubes are longer than his dick.
Everybody knows the last week of summer internships include showing up to the office hammered and hitting on the CEO
If I had to summarise my weekend I would do so using the words "horrifying romanian moonshine"
I'm sorry for the texts and anything that I said that may have caused confusion, pain or irritation. I shall not be drinking again. Furthermore I will not be keeping a phone on me should I fail to adhere to the prior statement.
He talked to you for like two seconds while you were shit faced doing Forest Gump impressions...how is that possible?
I would totally lead with that as a line.'So, I was on Legends of the Hidden temple as a kid.. Your place or mine?'
Awkward sister question: which game of thrones female left would you fuck?
Why did I ever allow that penis to enter my sacred temple?
Your mankini haunted my dreams.
Thank you for stroking my rage monster tonight.
Quick question: now that you've broken up, should I also delete the nudes your boyfriend sent me while you were together??
Randomize
