I need to not be around brick walls while intoxicated.
that shit musta been laced I laughed for two hours and everyone looked like penguins
The pine trees are waving at me.
Put the pipe down honey.
Hi trees.
I'm in a pile of cheezits at an unfamiliar location watching dateline on tlc. Stage an intervention.
I DO NOT KNOW WHO SHE IS, WE HAVE NO MORE FRUIT, SHE CAN'T STAY HERE.
I felt that there wouldn't be enough planB and forgiveness to go around
Alive.
So much puke
I just watched two grown men tickle-fight. Just glorious. No words.
Too bad Amazon Prime wouldn't get the wine bra flask to you in time. Concealed alcohol and huge tits? Win-win.
I want to wait until after I get laid before I ask him his political affiliation. Just in case. I'm so desperate I would bang a Republican
I don't think he likes that I'm always sending him pictures of me in my bra but he needs to get it together
His dick is a skeleton key. It fits everywhere.
We need to step in, this can't continue. The guy she went home with last night looked exactly like Count Olaf, right down to the unibrow.
Which version tho, Jim Carrey or Neil Patrick Harris?
THAT DOESN'T FUCKING MATTER, YOU DON'T FUCK COUNT OLAF!!!
I woke up in the middle of the night with my dick out and my electric blanket on high. It's like she wanted a hot dog.
It was only a blow job in his car. It's the same as giving a friend a back rub.
Randomize
