Let's hustle tonight so we can relax tomorrow
Perfect. Like where your heads at
By relax I mean have sex
Dear tim. Christina farted and it smells like kid roses.
I sent him a picture of my touching myself. He responded back "Your nails look really nice"
my family just sang happy birthday to baby jesus. no ones even drunk yet
I'm hoping to finish this bottle of wine before I pass out, I don't want the remainder spilling on my white down comforter.
I'm sorry that spending new years with you was fucking my boyfriend in your bathroom multiple times
We found a swing set....it's in the front yard.
You refused to get in the cab so we rock paper scissored to decide who walked you home and the fat guy was it. So don't blame your poor hook-up choice on me; it was all you.
The chick I hooked up with last night is my girlfriend older sister. Who is in town visiting. Who I just met. Who I just had dinner With. Who is here along with their parents and the whole family. How did my luck get so bad?
We legit stopped the the game so that Jamie and I could throw up in the bushes, and then continue to play intramurals... this is what my life is coming to1
I just heard my parents fuck. What. The. Fuck. My rooms right under theirs.. My dad barely even lasted a minute. Im almost ashamed..
Dude, you need to man up. You passed out before a PRESEASON game. It's a long season.
Word my sister pulled through for me and brought vodka shooters for the plane. its about to be a sloppy 4 hours
just woke up on the floor with a bottle in my hand. and by bottle, i mean a baby bottle. half filled with tequila.
We're both fucking guys named Frank. Our friendship was meant to be.
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