You know what, matt, a girl is not really that interested in a relationship if she goes down on you the first time she meets you
So I got my period. Finally. In related news, I reinstated my belief in God.
You know how I know he's a virgin? He's wearing transition lenses.
I told you it's awful. It looks like he was eating honey at a barbershop and tripped.
No dude trust me, just go a strip club at their busiest hours and pick the ugliest chick. Guaranteed she blows you for under 20$, the record stands at $7.67 and a pen from Bank of America,
After a certain point, you just want to make it work. Prove to yourself that you're smarter than the vibrator.
Look, as a friend I'm asking to see a picture of his tiny dick
I do NOT want to date a man who has no interest in going to a kangaroo farm
Hey I was just wondering if you could go look for my teeth?
Speeding home on my break at work because I forgot to grab my Percocets that I have because getting through work sober's too hard
He kept telling me that it stood for Sex Utility Vehicle
Your vagina is like Nancy Drew lately.
I sent him a topless photo and he complimented my eyes. I'm not sure if I'm offended or pleasantly surprised.
Do you know who changed all my phone contacts into characters from Harry Potter?
He Who Must Not Be Named.
Fuck you.
I need some buff guys to cuddle me and call me precious
Randomize
