i can't help myself.. i am just so in love with the kitchen manager.
...he was wearing JNCO shorts.. i'm pretty sure i saw the dragon.
The brown eye won't let me do that either.
I'd say this is worse than that time when I realized that my favorite bath toy growing up was my Mom's douche bottle.
Sitting on the floor in my kitchen eating taquitos. Being this drunk the next day has lost its allure post graduation.
can't make this up: he's writing lyrics for the musical reenactment of how he met her @ an anime convention to perform at their wedding. yes, there'll also be dance routines involved.
i'm sure god appreciates how great my boobs look during this fine christmas eve mass
Of all the things I am low enough to do, how could you even doubt if that was one of them?
I feel like I was just dunked in a tub of beer and then thrown in a giant dryer with rocks in it.
He came out in cowboy boots and underpants holding a beer while he hugged my mom. I love Montana.
I'm having flashbacks from last night. Did I admit to pausing Whitney's funeral because I was watching porn? I believe I did.
Looked like a bag of smashed assholes and smelt like a brewery - still got morning sex. Marriage rules sometimes!
then looked at this little girl next to me and was like "don't drink when you get older and don't let your best friend be with assholes." she looked at me like i was crazy
GOIN TO BED BEFORE TEQUILA BLEEDS FROM MY EYEBALLS
i texted "amiibo vore" to my insurance agent instead of someone else. do you think they'll raise my rates out of disgust?
Yeah everywhere i go i feel like a 3rd or 5th or (2n+1)th wheel. That's right, i'm a mathematically depressed drunk.
Randomize
