Without porn, I would have few hobbies.
I told my girl, that I use to jerk off to Star Trek. All she says is, "Oh my gawd, you're such a trekie!". If I was her, I'd be weirded out more than me being a Trek Fan.
but really, i care about skinny girls as much as michael vick cares about rotweilers
I know the vomits not mine cause its on my back.
I'd like to personally thank you for not letting anyone puke in any of the salad bowls this time
I've done nothing but whore my gay ex bf out for the past 48 hours. It's getting weird.
there is no excuse for drinking mascato in your room alone while listening to one-hit wonders from the 90s
He had a drawn-on fu manchu and now my vagina has one too.
I'm pretty sure "good advice you would give to a freshman for achieving success" isn't constituted by introducing them to your addy dealer...
it is my civic duty to ensure the success of our youth.
He started yelling "you tha man!" while I was reverse cowgirl
Current dream situation- Gordon Ramsey is my Uber driver and he's hauling around a backseat filled with chocolate covered açai berries. I'm good for eternity.
Learn from my mistakes, you naive soul: Gay love triangles are just as dangerous as straight love triangles.
While strippers were eating ones out of my boobs, several sources claimed trump shared classified info with the russians. We should get hammered on Mondays more often, bitch.
He drank an entire six pack, past out on the guest bed, woke up around 4AM, lifted & dropped my leg, then peed on the corner of the bed. When I told him where he was pissing he said "it's all the same babe."
Remind me to tell you: When threeways go awry, my MLK weekend story.
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