dont seek real advice from me tonight cause its always gonna end with we should have sex
i had a dream last night that my liver tore its self out of my body and ran away.
i knew she was high when she broke up the cookies into her glass of milk and ate it like cereal
I never once brought up his unibrow when he was insulting me. That's class.
So many lesbians keep hitting on me. I'm about to give up and just go home with the manliest one.
It was the worst sex ever. All she did was tap on my balls with her hands like she was in a reggae band.
I have reached the point in my life where I realized this is what I'm going to do for the rest of my life. Eat, shit , bar, drink, drank, drunk.
Apparently I stole windex from the cab driver. Klepto Tom strikes again.
Remember when we partied so hard that dude died and it cockblocked you hooking up with my sister?
I forgot that happened. That's the second dude that died on a vacation I've been on
He's against "violent sex" cause apparently my body is "sacred". Like dude I'm about to tell you about blowing your brother just so you'll fuck me like an animal Jesus Christ....
Asking me to suck on my nipples isn't going to make me less mad at you.
Honestly, I want an afternoon of mild abuse, mixed with face fucking and general molestation that turns in love making, laughter and cinnamon toast crunch naked in bed.
Wait... so you had sex and then your ear drum ruptured? I'm not sure if I want to ask if the two are related...
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
DO IT!
Please tell me why we have been neighbors since elementary school and waited until the night before I moved to fuck.
Randomize
