A guy in a big stork costume just came to our meeting to give us condoms and t-shirts telling us not to get pregnant. Only at college
rather than putting your name in guys phones, you just texted 90999 to donate $10 to Haiti and then gave it back to them
My mouth holds just enough water for my bong
Also, fighting a very strong urge to nickname your dick Whitey Bulger, at least for today.
yea, their son has been arrested on more than one occassion, their daughter is pregnant and their other daughter graduated but she was adopted, so clearly genes are everything.
I knew he cared when I got his text "happy birthday to the girl who gives phenomenal head"
She is high at the bar - she thinks the bottle of frangelico is aunt jemima telling her to stop doing drugs.
I've just stalked all the hot guys who have clicked "attending". I now know which guys are "yes", "maybe" and "no". I only hope my drunk self remembers.
I cannot believe he got soft mid fuck. I just hope he bought that horrible impression you did of my dad. I love you though, you came in clutch tonight.
It was the least I could do after throwing up in your purse.
I woke up with the Dorothy costume at my ankles, both sparkly red shoes on, and clutching ToTo....we're not in Kansas anymore, dude
Hey. My eyes swollen shut and I can't find my shoes. How was your night?
There was a slutty maid costume on the floor when I woke up, but the house was trashed. Either she's been fired or got promoted, I'm not sure which.
what do we think the timeline is for when your liver will begin to revolt against your drinking habits?
You were up on table in a neon bra chanting "YOUR MOM" while drizzling vodka on your chest...
no wonder i woke up with my boobs stuck to my bra
Mom says you're allowed to come home if you replace the towels. I don't want to know why.
Randomize
