There's guys at my school running around throwing potatoes shouting "remember the famine." makes me proud to be Irish.
You know, he picked a really shitty time to stop sleeping with me to pay attention to his girlfriend.
He wanted to take a picture with our pizza to show his mom that I was pretty but more importantly that he practices in "sober" activities
I can't believe all the places I got into shoeless last night. Apparently no one will say no to a girl covered in paint with a ripped shirt
Remember that pineapple I soaked in vodka last month? Just found it- nothing is growing on it? Think it's safe?
Had to. She was getting married in 2 days & her vag was having a close out sale. You know I love a good bargain.
You need to stop blackout tweeting at him to have sex with you on the roof of your dorm. He doesn't even have a twitter.
YOU'RE CHANGING THE SUBJECT. I CAN BLOW SOMETHING UP OR I CAN TELL HIM YOU LOVE HIM, BUT ONE OF THE TWO IS BOUND TO HAPPEN
Mate, you pissed in my bed. Then told me to "Just keep swimming"
so getting blacked out last night has made my lips so beautifully red for pictures today... and they say nothing good comes from alcohol
Idk how I even got accepted into college because literally the only things my brain ever thinks about are YouTube videos of baby animals and sex.
He looks like an accountant with a secret kinky candy filled center.
Had dinner with a married woman but didn't have sex with her. Tweeted at Mike Pence to apologize anyway.
I'm naked, eating straight Nutella, and listening to "Make you feel my love" on repeat. So no. He didn't ask me out.
I might be getting fired on this week so the only option i see for tonight is to get smashed and have an orgy. actually this idea might explain why i'm not an ideal employee.
Randomize
