I woke up this morning with gum gluing my ass cheeks together..
I can't decide if I actually want to know or not..
well since you're still married, you will be paying for my abortion right?
no more everclear, i just stood next to the toilet and peed my pants. then went back to the party soaking wet.
The story about him having a girlfriend changed real fast when he found out that I was a gymnast
he's listed in a fb relationship with a girl born in 1993. i'm too drunk to do the math on that one, but i am sober enough to know that's illegal
So I'm seriously debating forwarding these sexts to his horse faced new gf including the ones that say he still loves me... but I still need his check to clear... decisions decisions
Feeling better?
I can stand long enough to do the dishes finally. Been trying that all day.
you stuck pieces of bread to your face with peanut butter and asked if it looked like you had a facial yeast infection.
ohhhh that's why they asked me to leave...
I went to bed at ten on a Friday night I have virtues to spare
I want to share a beverage of the alcoholic category with you, but I'm conflicted about getting out from under my covers.
You passed out in your dogs bed and you only willingly woke up because I told there was a bottle of vodka and a snickers bar waiting for you upstairs
I've been sober for almost two weeks and it's been the worst two weeks ever. Even my mom told me I need to start drinking again.
bonging vodka is the same level of "good idea" as eating machetes
I’m at that point in my trip where I’m kinda hot, kinda cold and I have to remember to breathe.
I am drunkenly riding a razor scooter up and down the hills of Cincinnati
What in the fuck are you doing with your life
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