I would drag my balls through a mile of broken glass to eat pudding out of her anus
Told a girl i wanted to feel her bellybutton from the inside... I need to learn how to flirt
Currently standing on top of my parents leather couch with no pants on playing helicoptor with my penis. You?
I need some transition time from spring break.. can we day drink between classes this week?
I am a human short and spout . Here is my jager Herr is my redbull . When i get real drink i shout out. Tip me over and pour yeager out
I drunkenly asked a stripper to join our volleyball team.
Alosmot hir two of of mt mailanoxwa
Oh Jesus.
I dont even care how hung over I am, and how shitty this bus ride will be. That was the best sex of my life and it's a beautiful morning.
Crazy how fast a room full of drunk teenagers sober up when someone breaks his parents' new flat screen
She found my wedding ring, sallowed it and wished me good luck explaining it to my wife before walking out. Now what?
So coach him. No guy wants to admit being unsure of something in bed. It's a man-law or something.
Def just hooked up with my brother's senior prom date in his bed. Does that make me the worst brother ever?
Was so high at one point last night that while showering I was worried that using too much hot water would slow down our Internet.
I'm upset for all the future generations who can't drunkenly get cheesy bread
It just so happens all of their names are Ryan, so I never have to change whose name I moan.
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