dude, best porn name ever, "the Hunt for Red Cocktober"
I finally had sex with him last night, but we used a condom so it doesn't add to my number of sexual partners.
Did you ask last night's taxi driver about his penis hygiene?
You think posting ushers "let it burn" video on his fb page is in bad taste? haha
He won't sleep with me again until I commit...
Run. There is other dick in the sea, less clingy dick.
Tonights drinking will be celebratory and victorious. Picture the end of The Mighty Ducks set to beer.
Was my shirt on fire at any point last night? Because I'm fairly sure my shirt was on fire.
The man who lives downstairs is fluent in Russian, and also a playboy. You should meet.
I vaguely remember taking a yard light, holding it up like the statue of liberty, and all of us at the party chanting the national anthem. What a glorious night
"Wine night with the girls" turned into me having to set an alarm in the bathtub this morning...
I have woke up on a strange couch, in a strange house, on another campus. Can you Friend-Find me and pick me up?
She was wearing American flag underwear. How could I NOT fuck her?
You're a true patriot.
You yell at me for being attracted to older guys and you're over here condoning murder
as a side note pls kill me
Please wake up and help me figure out how I woke up on the floor with my head under the couch
Randomize
