He cooked the food on a paper plate in the oven.
i was gonna tell him a really embarassing story about you, but then i remembered im in all of them
When i asked him what happened all he said was, the toucan... the toucan... over and over again.
Is it wrong in Austin to talk to the homeless while I feed a bird my chips??
you told that cab driver that when the 3 of us come togehter it means happiness and love
I went back to the party but by then they were all sitting on the floor in the dark listening to we are the champions on full blast.
Plan B, arranged marriage to a rich Indian, is rapidly becoming Plan A. Fuck Finals.
Just so you know, classy bitches change the morning after in a CVS bathroom.
My heart is swelling with pride right now. I fucking love you.
You can't play that off as role play thing. You held my hips and kept yelling "put a baby in me!" That shit ain't cool.
i've created a new STD.
I think I've been there, but who knows? I drink a lot
I got propositioned to get involved with an engaged couple. I told them I didn't think my married couple would like me to see other couples...
Leave it to me and my dad to puke on the same guy at the same bar 25 years apart
No one needs to know about the barren wasteland that is my vag. Sometimes i visualize my cervix rocking back and forth wondering where everybody went.
I just pictured that. It's reading a book.
Found like seven bruises in the shower. One was shaped like a hand. Best. Sex. Ever.
Randomize
