i just ordered a pitcher of margaritas for me and a friend but she called and canceled. oh well, looks like im getting trashed alone.
the waiter who hardly speaks english told me "i go get your medicine now"
this medicine is soooo good.
I managed to convince my mom that my hickey was a birth mark I have always had. She cried for an hour about being a terrible mother for never noticing it.
She had a muffin-top while wearing a one piece bathing suit. Thats gotta break one of newton's laws or something
Just remembered to take my BC at the liquor store. Just swallowed it with a free sample of Whiskey.
You told him you loved him!?
I mean if he translated "Zi luve ku" as that then yes.
We did however see an 87 year old guy die and get resuscitated last night at the bar. He then finished his beer and his game of pool.
Not only was there cake on the wall but someone shoved cake and meat in a cup and put it in the fridge.
I was about to send you a concerned-for-your-safety text b/c it took you more than ten seconds to respond to a text that mentioned both the bar and lesbians
Just came during my obgyn appt. I need to get laid.
She keeps telling me I can't keep feeding the dog my food. I gave half the weed brownie to the dog and half to me. I just want it to taste the greatness of cheezits like I am.
sea world and a strip club? BEST DAY EVER!
I woke up at 4 am to a guy curled up in the fetal position sobbing in our front yard. Oh college.
This is possibly the most humiliating moment of my life. I have diarrhea, in a port-a-potty, at the Renaissance Festival.
its weird getting into a political debate with a pony dressed as an anime character online
I mean, I let him sleep with me after we both ate taco bell sober... That's kinda like love, right?
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