Alls I know is that his gf looked like Beyonce and he looked like Babar
At least drunk you showered before switching sex partners last night.
this will be a night to untag.
if i can get a chik with a dibaetes pump naked a sling certainly isnt going to get in my way
I have a scary feeling my mom might switch her goals from finding me a husband in 2012 to sending me to rehab
Well see how he likes it when I randomly start crying and saying my dads name during sex I WILL RUIN ALL HIS FUTURE BONERS
You know it's been a while when you're having to resort to positive conditioning to get women
I punched some guy in the face for being an asshole then later I went to say sorry and give him a hug and he started making out with me. How was your new years?
By cross-referencing our messages & her Twitter feed, I've deduced that she was eating spaghetti the whole time we were sexting.
Rome wasn't built in a day - my bedroom skills weren't obtained in some boring monogamous relationship. Same thing. Right?
I don't think you understand...I'm really good at getting drunk
Not exactly hook line and sinker right away, but I'll give him a second chance. I should sext him me in my blue shark onesie.
If catching your vomit in my hands while swimming in a bath tub full of it doesn't make us best friends, I don't know what will
Omg. I just remembered my underwear is in my wallet
Don't take a pillow from my bed. You don't know which ones of them my vagina has been on
Randomize
