I feel like death. And death is wearing a fleece blanket as a dress. And is seriously contemplating wearing this to go get something to eat.
This hotel is not contributing to my sobriety, they have 4 kinds of free wine and beer.
He warned me he may piss the bed. I'm oddly okay with this.
The bartender just told me he would have me face down in his pillow by the end of the night. I hate when you make me go to gay clubs.
Seriously, in what other class can the final major discussion be what bar you're going to with your prof?
If I EVER think it's a good idea to blow someone who just showed me their synchronized swimming performance on youtube again please correct me immediately.
I just pictured my inhibition personified as little pink piggies with wings flying off into the great wide nowhere hahaha
You know it's really hard to draft fantasy football players in a crowded bar when I have a raging hard on
Tip of the day: Don't Amazon vibrators when your WHOLE FAMILY uses your prime account. There's dildo after dildo showing up in my "Related to Items You've Viewed" category on the home page.
I mean I've only met the girl once and she was trying to slit some guys tires.
was that the third sophomore you've banged this week?
third one in three days
Dude, you ever snap awake on the toilet at work with that panicked, "How long have I been here?!" feeling??
We got to the hospital and the girls who caused the accident had already added you on facebook.
He brought me another shot of rum, ice and my underwear when I woke up.
What a gentleman.
I KNOW, right?!
I bought him flowers and fake vampire fangs, cuz there's really not a greeting card that says "Sorry I got wasted last night and started a very sloppy bloodletting ritual.".
Randomize
