She is making me post-sex grilled cheese at 2 am wearing only shorts and cowboy boots. I am so in love
One of my residents in my hall just found my positive pregnancy test from last year I hid behind the fridge, I'm just going to tell them it was for a science project.
Found her laying down in a booth in iHop. She's a keeper.
As weird as that was it was probably the best advice i've ever gotten from a tranny
Can you call him, he said something about going to the balcony to pee and now hes texting me saying hes lost
Now have a vodka water and get your shit together
He just broke up w his most recent gf again, wish I could message her and be like it's not you he's gay.
I guess he was telling a totally normal story about being a lifeguard and I wouldn't stop screaming "THAT'S LUDICROUS" at random intervals.
Found my bike today. On top of the garage. I'm not even going to ask myself why.
They wont sell alcohol here on election day! HOW THE FUCK DO THEY EXPECT ME TO ENJOY THE ELECTION SOBER?
Lets play a game called: how out of it are you today? Let me know if you can beat driving on the wrong side of the road twice and walking up two extra flights of stairs just because you weren't paying attention to what floor you are on....
I just want to like rub my face on his abs
I need help
I managed to get through my meeting without throwing up in someone else's office, so there's that for an accomplishment today.
He literally lured me in the house with his cat then we ended up fucking on the living room couch while the cat just sat there and watched
The waxing lady fingered me during my brazilian. 40 dollars well spent
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