Sorry I thought I was a lizard earlier.
it feels like my vag is blowing bubbles
I'm about to take my first shit since thursday. I'm scared. pray for me. If I don't make it, tell my family I love them.
I just told you I can't. My fingers are melting. I have discovered the high.
If I brought two seashells to Lowe's, do you think that they'd drill two holes in each shell for me? I need to be a mermaid on Saturday...
will i regret this in the morrning? probably. but every decision is good during happy hour
Sitting here reading the internet and all i have to show for this summer is a shitty tan and the possible case of clamidia.
Babies are disgusting. I held one once. Then I washed my hands and rinsed my mouth out with wine.
Oh it's not a problem. Cleaning up the yard and disposing of 75 gallons of Jello is all I've got to look forward to today.
I need a full description of the guy I hooked up with. I don't think I ever saw his face
he seemed brazillian..
fuck.
I'm alittle affraid you might be dead, seeing how your work party is in an hour and you haven't answered me? I mean I'm picturing you 1. Passed out in your car covered in fries or 2. On a boat in a box to Mexico covered in coke. Please let it be number 1. And aren't we going to your work party?
They just broke the window so they could get in and smoke the taxi driver out...
I've decided to become a librarian so I can drunkenly quote The Mummy and have it be legit.
...and now I welcome the sweet embrace of death.
I'm officially disproving the fact that a hoe never gets cold bc this hoe is COLD.
Randomize
