look no pants
I just five second ruled a donut I dropped at starbucks, everyones staring
I just found out that AAA will pick you up if you're drunk for free if you're a member. How did I not know about this?
so I was at the house for 3min to grab my bathing suit & tequila. You know, the go-to weekend combination
Saw a guy throw up on himself while walking, drinking, and singing all at the same time. Hope your night is going better than his :)
I woke up on the ground next to a bed of naked men. I'm either a drunken genius or the enemy....
I sent him a naked picture of me with the caption "I lost at beer pong, this was a dare. Hope your nights going as good as mine" I've never talked to him in my life, this is a strange way to start.
I mean I don't object to weird looking penis as long as it gets the job done. I just need to get it in. I'm gonna be humping chairs soon.
Recycling day makes me feel more like an alcoholic than regular days.
I turned around and there were three 10 year old kids running around with sparklers. Weirdest college part ever.
Welcome to Philly.
alicia just called me and talked to me in "the eternal language of the dinosaurs" and then kind of roared and gurgled. what kind of 4th of july are you guys having?
the boozy kind. is there any other?
This weekend I turned down sex to watch the Star Wars marathon... Is this growing up?
I swear we were drugged last night
We had a 130$ tab bitch. We drugged ourselves.
I'm not fucking you with a Stormtrooper helmet on!
Anything special planned for Valentines Day?
Does testing the strength of my coworker’s marriage count?
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