dude..why do i always have to pick up the kitty litter after you drink?
i wish i could post a picture of his odd shaped penis on facebook and label it "wtf???"
just took my birth control pill with a shamrock shake. happy st. patrick's day
please explain to me why there is a shopping cart in my living room.
Still bad at ganbling. Still good at dringing.
a girl just walked by me crying on the phone saying, "all I ever do is menstruate"
I've never seen the starbucks guy more terrified than when you dove out the car window after your credit card
I miss the good ol' days when we would yell at strangers from your balcony while wearing our mexican ponchos in the middle of the day.
what ever happened to our old dealer?
No. Cease was criminally insane from birthday shots, and not a lot of women want to go home from the bar with a guy who wants to "snuggle but keep it strictly professional".
I was living a snoop dogg song I fucked her on the floor so I wouldn't mess up my bed
We're both clumsy. What does this imply for our kids?
Helmets.
Dude, I traded weed for crunch berries. Happy Thursday.
Drinking from the bottle. In bed. Making dinosaur noises. Oh man.
I can't adult today.
Take a nap and try again
I have to buy a couch. There's nothing more adult than buying a couch on a Tuesday.
He was publicly touching my boobs before I even knew he's a famous World Cup skier.... That's how hot he was
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