the shit that comes out of a woman's mouth when she knows you can't hit her is fucking unbelieveable
so this carnie looked at me and said "the ride in my pants is funner." i wet myself.
I just walked in on my dad looking at porn. is there protocol for this?
Update- I sold my hat to some drunk kid for 50 bucks. I used my earnings to buy beer on the way home. I realize to everyone else seeing me drinking on my balcony at 6am, I look like an alcoholic, but I'm thinking of it as a night cap
apparently putting your t-shirt on your head with a bottle of captain and telling girls your the pirate king of tallahassee doesn't work
porn backed up onto portable hard disk, laptop charged, battery backup in place, two cases beer, handle of vodka, poptarts and beef jerky --- bring it sandy.
i thought you were just a really comfy body pillow until i sobered up. oops.
I need a costume for that party. Even if I'm just taking it off.
I'm disease and pregnancy free. This is an Easter for the books!
I love him about as much as I'd love fucking myself with a cactus.
in the middle of telling this chick to sober up i was shotgunning beers. im gonna be ab awsome nurse.
Dude in the stall next to me shitting and sobbing. Dude another stall over, "Come on bro, you gotta loosen up." This is why I don't shit in public.
first he passed out on the toilet...then hugged it and screamed no no no as i tried to pull him out
Yeah that was post sex. I was thinking in my mind, no wonder he didnt ask me to call him daddy since he actually is a dad
I asked what it takes to be a good delivery driver, my new boss said "always keep these in your vehicle" as he handed me a flashlight and a blunt. I'm going to like this job.
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