When he was fingering me, it felt/looked like he was digging around for pocket change.
This is why you don't make out with cougars at a bar... I got a linkedin request from her, wtf?
I seriously just caught my 15 year old little sister with a positive pregnancy test coming out of the bathroom. Honest to God.
I have a coat hanger and a baseball bat. Her choice.
Can we have fireworks this year or will the ocean explode?
I offered to go to AA with him...not because I am admitting I have a problem but because I want to see what they are saying about people like us.
If your relationships aren't working out because she doesn't have a penis THEN maybe you should give dudes another go
I ordered a VEGAN pizza, because it gets here the fastest, just so I could get a 2 litre of Coke. For my whiskey.
That UFC fighter fucked me so hard I have what can only be described as a "cuntcussion"
I just closed two deals on my laptop from my bathroom while smoking a bowl, like a bawssss. Working from home is my favorite.
I think cutting a patient out of a owl costume is a first for those guys. It's a good story at least.
im dying and naked and this is what youre living with next year.
Finally hooked up with her. She bought me tacos after because "she can do better in a bed". You're gonna be my best man.
It was the easiest thing I've ever done. 3am she walked into my room, saw my Buffalo Bills blanket, said go bills and got naked.
It's something you'd find in the room outside of Ben Carson's sex dungeon
Literally had sex in his grow room under a plant.. ganja queen .
Randomize
