Ill pay your DUI fine if you just come see me nooooowwwww
no. its 2:30am and im not going to jail for a booty call
Superbowl + Mdma, hope we're on the same page.
We're starting "No Hesitation Fridays." The probability of this going horribly are between 100 to 125 percent
so this was truly a case of the blacked out leading the blacked out.
Well, McDonalds 'escorted' me out after I passed out mid-order
Just found out my mom's voicemail password is 6969..
I remember your 21st ending with me driving you home while you insisted making bicycle signals out the car window.
You know what, I don't care that I got too drunk and didn't make it into the boat party. If I had, I probably wouldn't have peed on you later while we soundly slept. I feel you need that in a best friendship.
Its the anniversary of our epic NBA All-star game weekend. The night the two of us cashed a 30-pack while watching the dunk contest
"Wait, who's gun did I have?" Moments when you re-examine your life choices.
If I'm not drunk and wearing a penguin hat by the time we are done opening Christmas presents then coming home for Christmas was a complete failure
She has that type of face she reminds me of that weird girl from napoleon dynamite only taller and with hoop earrings.
You know it was a good night when visa fraud prevention services are calling
I am getting off work an hour early just to watch you drink. Never let it be said that I don't love you.
I'm currently hiding from this horrific thing that we call adulthood. If anyone needs me, I'll be smoking a bowl in the bouncy house.
Randomize
