I was 10 minutes late leaving for lunch today because I couldn't lose a boner. It is impossible to tuck it when your shirt is tucked in...gotta quit facebook stalking hot chicks at work
i just walked into thanksgiving and three people in a row asked me who i was. really?
I found my old addy guy via fb who clearly understands the supply and demand curve of addy during finals so he's gonna hook me up.
It's like God knew that was my ex's best friend and punished me. I've never vomited that much in my life.
Never again will we have slut saturday. Never.
He burnt a smiley face into the screen with a cigarette, peed in my tub and then tried to take off his pants. tried...
Saw on the news tonight that Hamilton county's syphilis rate is 9x the national average...use protection!
Thanks, mom.
When you see a guy in a wheelchair try to be cool and pop a wheelie, and then fall over backward and hit his head, is it funny or sad?
You don't have a wife, you don't have a dog, and you need a new bong. Don't make this any worse than that.
I am literally sitting here with a jar of Nutella and a spoon, reading an article called "never drink alone again because now there's wine for cats." How single am I?
I tolerate his mediocre drunk sex for the mind blowing morning sex. More than worth it.
He played Harry Potter Fan Fiction videos to get me in the mood. He might be the one.
Fucked him in a graveyard. Need plan b.
Sorry about you walking in on the whole nude kinect dancing. The new roomie was drunk and naked and told us he was either over dressed or we were under dressed for the party. And Amy figured it would be easier to join him than it would be to dress him
wish he had known he had poison ivy on his cock beforehand... Is calamine okay to put on your vag?..
Randomize
