It's not real sex if he's just convulsing inside of you.
so we'll all just be running around naked, basically. and high.
She just said she wanted to get freaky and left the room. I'm almost certain I just heard the microwave.
Its... i dont even know. theres lots of rap music and i cant find my shoes
Because of his penis, I can't even look at a hot dog
No. I'm just saying it shows no signs of stopping. My dad was a man-whore well into his 50s.
I may have just unintentionally roofied a man in a wheelchair
New carpet is nice. I'm making carpet angels. Like a fresh snowfall.
I am playing a little game I like to call "How Quickly Can I Infuse This Vodka Into My Bloodstream Without the Use of an IV"
note to self: shower sex when you have 7 stitches in your leg is never a good idea. never.
I sent her a picture of Richard Nixon and said "these are the only dick pics I send".
I'm handling the NHL draft worse than getting dumped this week
it'll be like a game of Russian Roulette, but with my vagina.
I think I had Hypothermia but was too drunk to notice.
I'm definitely not mad. My best friend is dating my drug dealer, it's impossible to be mad.
Randomize
