So she just apologized to the fire extinguisher.
I could get a dump truck for 1000. Think of the possibilities.
After he called me a "spirited little girl" I realized that I need to stop sleeping with guys more than ten years older than me.
just found a bag of Oreos in my purse labeled "emergency".
Bro, did you watch that scooby doo porn I sent to you?
This bitch rocks a fuckin fanny pack and still manages to lose her phone at every thirsty thursday
He wants me to hook up with his fiance while he watches. Text you later with how it goes.
....I feel like you are deciding whether or not I'm good enough for you based on what I ordered from Chipotle.
When asked if they had been introduced, Damo said "No but I know we've pretty much fucked all the same girls in town"
Is he the circus guy or the bi-curious street preacher?
I really should have gone with the man who kept offering me cocaine. Why did I chose the German!? STUPID!
He wasn't excited for the fifty shades of grey trailer, so I told him we're done
I just fell and sprained my ankle in the shower. No, I wasn't having sex. I was doing the time warp. Again.
You just had sex during the movie Radio. This is an all time low
Can you get the dildos out of the shower before the maids come?
Randomize
