She has HUUUUUUUGE nipples
Did you put 9lbs of birdseed all over my car?
You weighed it?
My goal for the party is to get everyone in a diaper. Reasonable?
I was just texting to see if your vagina was working yet.
College is just filling the gap until I get a rich girl pregnant
I'm sitting in my bathroom sink, eating a tuna sandwich. He had better weed than I expected.
Get everyone out of their dorms and watch 3 girls do the walk of shame from my room.
I'm sure I'm not the FIRST newly single girl to table dance at a family restaurant.
he kept yelling THIS ISNT AMATEUR HOUR
We just reached that moment of the night when you start making cookie quesadillas. Party on Wayne
Free tacos and bad night are never used in the same sentence
This bitch rocks a fuckin fanny pack and still manages to lose her phone at every thirsty thursday
I blacked out at work again... Except this time my boss watched me throw up by the bus stop and some woman let me sleep on her shoulder for an hour. Why does this keep happening?
Please don't throw the wedding bouquet at me
Okay, this next statement may sound like a red flag but I'm tellin you, shotgunning those two beers really helped me love my child more effectively. Honest.
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