Is it awkward that I've slept with every guy in this room?
Only if they know about it too.
I wish my mouth had a period so that could be my excuse on those days I don't feel like giving head
susan atkins died, charles manson's lady
dont cry, there are other serial killers to crush on.
I think jizz is working it's way to becoming my number 1 food source.
Fuuuuck. Forgot it's October. FYI scarecrows are gonna fuck you up when you're driving high
Old lady caught me peeing in the street and yelled at me and said "I REBUKE YOU"
I JUST MET THE GIANT MAN THAT WILL CARRY ME FROM PLACE TO PLACE
i don't care if its just a preseason game, my pick up a guy and suck him off in the bathroom skills are in midseason form
The least you could do before I go into your room is throw away the condom wrapper from the other girl I know you're banging.
OMG OMG OMG DID YOU KNOW THERE ARE MINI CHOCOLATE COWBOY HATS THAT MEN CAN BUY FOR THEIR PENISES?
and then you called me a third time and yelled that you were stealing a puppy named Willow
Woke up in a bathtub with both of my legs broken. How was your night?
Dude the little bong I just got fits nicely in the cup holder in my car. The gods approve of my habits.
I need a fuck buddy with more available hours
He totally just went there for sex cuz he slept in her roommates bed the rest of the night after they were done...
pure definition of booty call.
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