Life lesson: Don't ever put your penis in a crazy girl. Especially if she's married. And has a kid.
why does my vagina smell like weed?
omg thats a great idea
she said, "is it ok if I touch it?" that's when I knew I was in trouble... I knew she was a virgin but seriously..
I got my period while he was fingering me , I knew it because I never get that wet.
Did u at least say sorry?
Did you get drunk last night? You put Christian lyrics as your fb status again.
I woke up with his wallet, but not him. Gold-digging at it's finest.
He had me believing he was actually British until he came and used his real voice.
She wanted to to do it on top of a horse, I can't compete with that
I feel like saying your blowjobs are worth a burrito is not the best strategy to get him to be more giving in bed.
Wanna smoke some ancient weed I just found in a box of cake mix?
I had sex on a dinosaur comforter, tell me that does not define my life.
Both of us came out of our rooms at the same time in boxers and sat on the couch. No words were spoken.
It's like "hey I give your roommate blowjobs twice a week, want to connect on LinkedIn?"
I don't know. I'm drunk and dressed as a pirate but ill do the math tomorrow morning.
I’m not spending 14 dollars on a margarita unless it’s rimmed with cocaine... actually do you have a blender?
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