Minivans at bars can only lead to bad things.
dude. she was texting with her nipple. I love touch screen phones!
I could write a book on how to barely get by in community college. I just took an online quiz on my phone, at the bar, 6 minutes before it was due.
I don't think my prof knows we've noticed her No Bra Fridays.
Lost my virginity in a banana suit. Glad I waited.
His search history includes homemade sex toys and a plunger. I'm scared about what goes on in their place.
I think i should wear mittens next time we have sex.
In the middle of having sex she stopped, said "guess what, it's clitoris awareness week" and then continued fucking me
I look like a bag of dicks so if you could ugly yourself up that'd be great.
he's like watermelon oreos; I know they're gross and weird and I shouldn't like them, but I can't stop eating them because they're there.
The only way I'll cross anything off my to do list today is if I write 'eat melted cheese' on it
Guess who just enrolled into online classes at Hogwarts? This gal.
I found your missing hash cookies. Fuck you and I'm sorry but there are only 2 left. I already had the munchies.
also. got fucked to usher last night. dunno if thats a new high or a new low
Was it at least a good usher song?
I finished OITNB and broke it off with my fuck buddy in the same day. It's going to be a rough week
Randomize
