capt morgan doesn't hurt if you honestly believe it's golden flavored kool-aid.
my boyfriend just told me he used to have genital herpes. I was gonna have sex with him, but now it's SOOO over.
what kind of stupid fuck tells you that BEFORE sex? he is definitely not a keeper.
You told him you loved him!?
I mean if he translated "Zi luve ku" as that then yes.
note to self, drunkenly bedazzeling the silverware was a stupid fucking idea
So not only did team sweden fail to particpate in any drinking game but i also found puke in my viking helmet this morning.
Although, to be fair, I am both willing and going to lick marshmallow fluff off of your dick.
Its funny that cleaning up pieces of water balloons and shot glasses every morning is becoming a routine
So I saw the nuva ring just lying on the counter at Planned Parenthood...did u know it's just a ring? I could go to the Dollar tree buy a plastic bracelet and shove it up there instead.
You do that. Then go have lots of unprotected with your harem of booty calls and see how that works out for you.
Reading my bank statement stoned makes me feel like an adult.
I just want to let you know that when you try and lie about the "solid 10" you brought home last night, I've got a picture of her and about 10 reasons you should have left her at the bar starting with those martin scorsese eyebrows.
you know you've had too much sex when your vagina hurts when you laugh
It is a sign that I need a fresh start when Kelly Clarksons new album tells the story of my life.
when you come home i just want to let you know we are cats now. and we are out of eggs.
I smell like bonfire and ex-boyfriends
I said I hate kids.This dude said he will sell his children to go on a date with me.
Randomize
