TXT her NOW! The phone is actually IN her Va-Jay-Jay!!
Sex on a trampoline was so worth getting a mosquito bite on my penis
Just watched porn on a 60 inch plasma screen TV... So that's where the clitoris is
Ive made peace with the fact that i will accomplish nothing except liver damage today
... why is there a bottle of pee on my headboard?
I got to see some gay bartender let a girl with daddy issues whip Travis in the balls with his own belt. Totally worth it.
we broke up because he couldn't handle the fact that i've slept with more girls than he has. also, i've slept with the girl he's seeing now.
Dinner at my parents is vodka, lemonade, cheese ad crackers. Why would I leave?
I've had to do a couple req orders today and I would like to submit to you an order form to requisition DAT ASS
three guys with a tattoo of the Walmart rollback smiley holding up a middle finger on their ass=free drinks in every bar
I'd help you out but I got Bacardi and Tequila poured down my snorkel last night and I'm still drunk
You are the best. Or certainly adequate for tempering my unholy desires.
That's the nicest thing you've ever said to me.
If I die here, tell my vagina and my cats that I'm sorry.
I like the new guy, he keeps beer in the fridge.
I really need to stop having sex.. I haven't been able to get a brush through the back of my hair for a good week and a half
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