If you text me again I will gut all of your stuffed animals.
She told me a very interesting story, complete with pantomimes, about how she got a habanero seed in her vag
Whats a good hint for stop bitching im gonna give you head
I wish a night of watching Dear John and a bottle of wine could cure my herpes.
I know it sounds like a good idea, but doing Spanish homework at a bar just because the owners are Mexican and they give us margaritas really wasn't the best decision.
We've already decided our costumes for next Halloween. She's going as Cookie Monster and I'm going as Elmo. She's just going to ask for Oatmeal Cookie shots, and I'm asking for Red-Headed Slut shots.
Dude, its January.
We're going to do the voices too.
I have been sober for so long that I miss hangovers... what is happening to this summer?
I'm more concerned with the fact that he was UNconcerned that live poultry could peck him in the nutsack @ any moment of sex
So the drug dealer I'm sleeping with just got drugs from the other drug dealer I'm sleeping with
Isn't life beautiful?
Is it some european holiday today? We both woke up to find loaves of bread in our rooms...
Zombie crawl summary: 5 of 6 friends successfully laid. friend 6 too drunk to care and making out with a whale (not a costume)
So I just realized I have three bananas, seven condoms, three lube packets, three tampons, and a shot glass in my bag but no pen #modelstudent
My dry spell starts kindergarten this fall...
They grow up so fast.
we've talked on the toilet we're linked now
I think I should've done my makeup before I took the acid. Because now I just feel silly looking at myself in the mirror
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