if there werent so many compromising pictures of me in the hands of so many liberal friends, id consider going into politics
lesson #67 learned in college: a three day old margarita, is still a margarita.
He's been dancing to the same Rob Thomas album in his room for almost 8 hours now. Please never, ever bring extacy over here again.
I just found a babydoll head in my sink where we ripped it off and did shots out of it.
I wish I could attach your penis to someone I like more than you.
Quick question: how long can sperm live in a rug?
I paid some man $10 for his shirt last night cause I liked it. Explains that. Bought the jackolope head from a street vendor. Got invited to someone's hotel rooftop swimming pool which explains why I was in my bathing suit. My clothes from last night are MIA. Going over the border with no pants on is awkward. Origins of the car rim still mysterious.
I five year old is judging me because I just opened a bottle of Sam Adams with my teeth before 8am
If a hot cougar texts u and says "back massage, blow job".... you show the fuck up.
Oh, and also, a couple of straight girls showed up. But they ran away.
Maybe you should stop dating for awhile if the chicks aren't working out. Reacquaint yourself with your hand or something.
Phone keeps correcting good morning to "food moaning" and I like the way it thinks.
Was it your intent last night to burn the house down? With a waffle..
He stopped me mid-blow job to say that his new year's resolution was to stop hooking up. MID FUCKING BLOW JOB.
the D I S R E S P E C T of sending someone nudes, them opening it, and not bothering to respond
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