I just took a girl with a hip brace and crutches on a date. she obviously can't bone. is it rude to demand a blowjob?
dude, never let a drunk girl playbite your dick. the doctor came in laughed and left.
dude it was like an art museum there were boobs everywhere
Dude has a bag of wine attached to his belt. These guys don't fuck around.
I'm bringing a flask to the test on friday. If I'm gonna fail at least I can enjoy the experience
Just realized I left my heels in their microwave. Whoops.
why did I try to FaceTime with 311 last night?
Finals are done.. I just wanna get drunk and pretend I'm a seahorse.
being a senior sucks, I just started embracing my inner slutty college girl, and it's almost time to put her away...for like, ever. and i really like her.
i miss freshman lecture halls much harder to take shots in a class of 20
You screamed "i promise ill stop blowing your brother" in the middle of a packed restaurant at 1pm. We should maybe rethink our relationship.
No? The only contact I've had with him for months was when I drunk texted him from Costa Rica to say that all jazz sounds the same
Today's forecast: 90% chance of bad decisions, good stories, solid new dick and artichoke pizza
Im sitting on the floor of the hotel room eating nachos and drinking coffee. People should learn to embrace their hangovers
While finding our clothes afterwards he says..."So do we like have to talk after this?"
Randomize
