his dick got so hard in his pants and it broke his zipper
He kept saying that the puke outside the theater wasn't his and it was all a set up to keep him from partying with the whores. Then he passed out on the sidewalk.
Just come back with most of your limbs...and your dick. Please and thank you
It's almost like he dry humped the last remaining bit of good person out of me.
All I wanted was a quiet evening to masturbate and eat cake and instead you ruined it by bringing girls over.
Who was the girl that woke me up at 4am to tell me "there's an emergency, we need you to come smoke weed"
I hugged the bouncer as we left.
You in for a dick vacation?
YES, even though I have no idea what that means
You're such a good friend. You send me pictures of your boobs when I'm sad. I will always appreciate that.
We inadvertently arrived at the strip club on Bear Night. The dancers all look like young Santa Claus and there's a buffet....
Remember the time you puked your contact lens out?
you are the root of all my greats nights and my worsts decisions
Its official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world
It stopped being casual for me when I waxed my vagina for you
Apparently his version of saying "I'm Sorry" is streaking around our apartment building then asking for a blow job.....
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