You should never have let annie watch you have sex with other women
she woke up with a sticky ear
Just checked my missed calls... why did you call me 37 times from 2:14 to 3:58?
I want to make a porn site called "girls with daddy issues"
on the way home I asked you what exit we get off at and your answer was "just like the goldfish"
He's a little cute, in a dorky, I-know-for-a-fact-his-cock-is-huge kind of way
Apparently im getting a reputation for how i mix drinks. Im the midas of booze. Everything i touch turns to koolaid.
Hey! Welcome back! How was the bachelorette in Vegas?
A safari of penis I hurt to the core
It was going great until he started saying "ooh kill em" under his breath with each thrust
had a nice chat with the older gay fellow who works in the bakery at the new vons about vday...we both feel that it's a day of dashed expectations & concerns that we'll have to be cut out of our spanx
IM AT A ROOFTOP FUNDRAISER LOOKING OVER THE WHITE HOUSE I WILL NOT RUIN MYSELF
I need two food groups: booze and turkey sandwiches
I'm glad we can *facepalm* it together over the married couple we fucked separately.
Make me food? I don't want to be a science experiment. I'm dunk. Holy shit. Drunk*. Let's do science.
Wtf happened last night
You traded your bra for a shot so I'd say you probably don't wanna know
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