every time i get drunk at her place i end up leaving with nothing but an empty box of toaster strudels..
Have you ever made a sandwich from swedish fish and tortilla chips?
Yes, you did come over last night. You also tried to give my dog a blowjob. You got rejected.
It took my four years to get this degree, and 4 hours to lose it, My parents are not impressed.
I think he's on the stoner protein diet. I just saw him, at 3 am, spreading mayo on a slice of deli ham and sprinkling salt on top.
I was crying hysterically and you wouldn't stop petting my ear and shushing me every time I tried to say something.
Im drinking in homer but I guess Egan got arrestest on an "assault by water ballon" charge but tom actually threw the water balloon in question at the bartender.
There are eight sets of guys I've made out with who have the same name. It's like noah's ark in my mouth.
We are a team. I lure them in with my tits, feed them enough alcohol to consider homosexuality, and hand them off to you.
You're the best wingman ever.
All he did was like my Instagram picture and I'm already planning how to turn down sex with him this weekend...
That's like doing a cinnamon challenge in my vag - but more painful.
I just shaved my "bikini area" into a fucking pizza slice
Btw, I feel the need to make sure we have no misunderstanding about this. So here goes. I'll happily mess around with you again. However, I probably won't do it while you're dressed like a creepy clown. Or any clown.
Well yeah. Plus. My dick looks awful. So I would need to do some extreme makeover dick edition before even starting something so ridiculous.
I think drunk me saved him in my phone as "beautiful man" to play a joke on sober me
Randomize
