I'm not a mortal combat character
but my vagina is
the cops didnt even wait to start drinking the confiscated alchohol from the party
Today's lesson: while in the shower, one should choose between either drinking OR shaving. Not both.
Pretty sure I'm taking the break up well. Alcohol made me okay with it and drugs keep me agreeing with why I dumped him in the first place.
My biggest accomplishment thus far this summer is having sex 5 weeks after hip surgery.
most desperate stoner moment might have been when we filled the bong up with pond water
desperate times, desperate measures
He sent me a mirror pic of himself and sent it to me and all i could think about was the amazing bong hits i took with his roommate in that bathroom.
I just want him to come back from NOLA alive, without an arrest record or stripper glitter on his clothes...
Those seems like unreasonable expectations for a bachelor party honestly...
I could just tape a camera with a live feed to my head & you could check in on me from time to time
Bro you fell face first into the sand and then balled up into the fetal position and yelled help untill I picked you up, no more whiskey for you...
I'm in the line at Chipotle thinking: "What combo will best prepare my body for the open bar I'm going to subject it to tonight?"
Bourbon is too strong for my cat, he does not want to drink it
All I know is if i get a free preview weekend of HBO then I am recording Kindergarten Cop.
its not much but to go through all that to ask for half a balls worth of money was so stressful
Just saw a girl I banged wearing a pro life shirt downtown. Not sure where to start with that.
Randomize
