I had sex with him, and then he gave me a $5 Starbucks gift card. Totally worth it
I remember why I come home for the holidays. Sam Adams is the cheapest beer in the fridge
she said her black crocs were her 'dress up crocs'
He washed my hair whilst I gave him head in the shower. Bored or gay?
Due to the events of st patties day last year I created a moral and ethical policy so that I won't get kicked out of the bar again. It mostly consists of not wearing pants so then I don't take them off at the bar.. and subsequently get kicked out.
he fell asleep like an hour after we got to the beach, he deserved that penis shaped sunburn.
I woke up to her screaming at the various pictures of nutsacks she found on her camera
I learned so much about myself in that shower.
I asked this couple what they would like to drink and they leaned toward me eagerly and asked if we still have THE root beer ... Idk if this is code for please add cocaine to my drink
His last Google search was "will sperm ruin the retina display on Apple products?"
I can't decide if I'm depressed or if this is just what life without a bidet feels like.
Woke up in a hotel room with some random guy then walked over a mile to the bus stop where I laid down and waited on the bus. GREAT NIGHT
I just spontaneously learned how to embroider at three in the morning.
I also almost burned the house down in the process. Don't ask me how. It's a long story.
Never make a coconut bikini from a real coconut.
I smell like old thai food.
Spencer just told me I got home and was opening beers with my teeth and trying to make pot butter
Randomize
