I just got back to Nicks and I shoul dnot have drank this much when I have to work at 7AM!!!!!
I'm at subway, this 8 year old kid is judging my fashion sense with his dad. I want to kill myself.
It's ok, he's just 8, he's not judging you.
He just asked why I'm sitting alone. I honestly want to cry.
the tow truck driver and i bonded while discussing our experiences with four lokos
If we break up, I want weekend visitations with your penis.
He had seven beers and tap-danced on the table like a pro. HOW DOES HE DO IT
Very impressive. My GPA is the same amount of orgasms I can offer tonight (valid only tonight): 3.5
There is nothing quite so pathetic as sitting in bed in your underwear eating easy mac in complete silence, waiting for Netflix to load
I'm going to sing sad and lonely Barbra Streisand songs at the top of my lungs if you don't get here soon
they asked me about my neuroscience major and I said 'the brain is the outer space of the body' and passed out. it appears my ivy league education is not going to waste
Holy sore nipples Batman
Dude. He almost took three different girls home, all while dressed up as Amy Winehouse. If he goes as Kurt Cobain next weekend, we're screwed.
Video footage says last night I reincarnated as stripper Shania Twain... Man, I feel like a (slutty) woman.
We just fucked each other sober. #goteam
If one more person says Merry Christmas to me I’m going to take a pen out of my pocketbook and stab them in the eye
but next to his bed he has a bible, and on the bible he has a pbr coaster and a condom. how can i stay mad at that? Its amazing.
Randomize
