It's pouring out. I am cold, wet, and miserable.... Kind of reminds me of our sleepover last night.
I went for the touchdown every play, and I think I ended up with herpes.
Found my puke from September encrusted to the floor under the dresser while cleaning before move out ..... Oh Freshman year
tequila makes me forget i have legs
Totally just locked myself outside of my house, in my robe, with the fedex man and a box of sex toys. Not my week.
No The bastards made me buy a new one, They don't cover water damage an apparently they consider salsa water damage
Was booty called last night and I was so blacked out that my roomie made me puke before going to "eye of the tiger." Why I'm still single is beyond me
So I went tanning and I burned my boobs.
They're like sad pomegranates.
That which doesn't kill you gives you an excuse to get shitfaced later
I am buying anal lube, an enema, and a bag of kit kats. What part of this is compelling the Walgreens woman to tell me to "be well".
Monday afternoon and I'm still hungover from Valentine's Day. I think I'm winning at the single life.
I find celibacy oppressive. Huge waste of my time and talents.
I’m pregaming Christmas shopping with grandma. What’s up?
I know this shouldnt be a problem, but there are too many women hitting on me. I dont know what to do
Was it a bad idea to have spent all of my tax return on coke?
Randomize
