Ok let's jusst not talk today bc then we'll just do dangerous things but I'll say hello
Tell me exactly where it said it wasn't a unisex bathroom.
When I meet a new girl, I'm terrified of mentioning something she hasn't already told me but that I have learned from some light internet stalking.
why does the wii remote smell like your vag?
Yeah...I know. It's cute I think...I mean cute in a weird like hey I kinda took you home from the bar one night, maybe criticized your penis, and fucked your brains out...kinda sorta way
No, trust me. Falling down the stairs is a fucking sobering experience.
Your boobs are like a big quesadilla marker
You don't have a wife, you don't have a dog, and you need a new bong. Don't make this any worse than that.
Well watching will be involved...it'll just most likely be of me licking your penis instead of me trying to understand how Hans Solo goes up against the Galactic Empire...
My underwear are in the stairs so apparently I did take the dog out.
Just left a strip club where they let me on stage to teach them tricks. Time of my life!
Doesn't matter how many times we tell him the kid's a freshman, he keeps repeating "cupcake boy shall be mine" and honestly you need to intervene
Passing out drunk in my therapists lobby may not be the best way to confirm my "stability"
Moms passed out wet and naked in a rocking chair again....
Very mixed signals tonight. He gave me the best handjob while gloating about the Superbowl to his dad on the phone. When he was done he left me on the sofa alone for ten minutes before returning with wet wipes beer and nachos.
Randomize
