she just waddled down the stairs behind me and puked and kind of reached for me but i sped up. does that make me a bad person?
All I'm saying, is that being compared to a Muppet is not the end of the world.
i was just outside smoking and i saw a hooker sing "i wish i knew who your daddy was" to her new born baby. someone explain to me why i ever left chicago to go to college...
"Worlds Wildest Videos" should be called "Crazy White People"
I figured it out. hungover me hates drunk me, drunk me hates sober me, and sober me hates being sober. so yes, were blacking out tonight.
God, you're like boner-b-gone
Nothing says I've got my life together like buying a jumbo bottle of 7$ wine in sweat pants on a monday night
My roommate's all sad and is crying and the chick I want to bang is in the room and Nic Cage is on fire. What the fuck.
found my necklace. it was safe with all 6 boxes of peeps that i bought that night.
Chicken salad taco, you know, when you're out of bread and crackers, and high.
Would it be considered cannibalistic if I wanted to eat off his bacon tattoo?
came home to a trail of roses from the door halfway up the stairs. but my nonsingle roommate lives downstairs. idk if they celebrated on the stairs or if some girl tried to woo me last night and i don't remember
pretty sure tht was the guy who once went to the club dressed as waldo. he still looks weirdly fuckable.
How bad would it be if I wore out the dress we got peed on in. You're the only one who knows.
This chick walked up to me in the bar and started making out with me, then grabbed my drink while I wasn't looking and walked off.
Randomize
