Note to Self: No matter how horny, turned on or in the moment you are, never go down on your gf after she had soccer practice.
New rule: no balls on the kitchen counter.
vagina is talking i cant
stayed up to watch the sunrise..saw an albino taking shots on the quad..it's like there's a whole new world of people out there just waiting to meet us
and i was just like oh shit i'm getting felt up by a 15 year old
My ex just called and told me that he is on his way to the hospital because he popped a vein in his dick. Should I go to the ER with him or class?
It wasn't really sex. It was just rolling around, trying to make sure his dick didn't end up in my ass.
you had me at cake vodka
I would've hung out with you if I had the capacity to do anything besides fall over and pee on things
Men are not even allowed to look at you without a condom on.
I found him in the kitchen singing German metal into a banana while simultaneously mixing brownie batter. He didn't have any pants on.
Ive already seen two fights and a clown urinating in the middle of the street. Hello Halloween 2014.
I gave up great shower sex to be here so don't say I never did anything for our friendship.
I'm SO high. And there is so much pudding in this car
All I remember is your girlfriend laying on the bathroom floor and me crawling in and asking if it was okay to puke.
Randomize
