I accidentally told him I've been cheating on him with his brother last night.
How did that happen by accident?
I was drunk and vomited all over him and thought, "maybe he will just stay with me out of pity if I tell him with stomach acid and alcohol all over his crotch." I was wrong.
Ask Niel how long his lasts if he plays with it a lot.
he says 15-20 minutes depending on the porn.
no his phone, idiot.
she's sitting on the other side of the room at this party. with her smirnoff tucked in that little opening between her cleavage and shirt. drinking from a straw. snapping her fingers off beat.
it's love
Sorry if I ruined your sex last night with my constant text updates about the plot of Bolt.
Did you know they have alcohol AND weed delivery in Canada??? I'm not EVER coming home
she literally hasn't taken the mardi gras beads off in three days. she showered in them. TWICE.
Think of where it's been though. That Dr. Suess book, "Oh the Places You'll go" was written for his penis.
It's official, there's a sex tape of me floating around some high school
I woke up to a 3rd person picture of my own dick sent from a 1-800 number..
Seeing the pictures of him and i, I'm giving whiskey the win on this one. Definitely had beer goggles.
all I know is id definitely throw up if you guys ever dated so if you do stay the fuck away from me
I wanna eat mushrooms and cuddle with a million dogs at once. I wanna know what heaven is like
You are currently doing Harry Potter spells with the turkey-baster...
So do I get points for screwing my recently single ex boyfriend and then telling him to go fight for his ex back?
His face will be in my vagina later so I'm willing to forgive.
Randomize
