He had one of those small greek statue penises
flashcards smell like vodka and my textbook is in the toilet. ready for the final
to which he commented "you must really like me on top". I didn't have the heart to tell him that was the only way the room stopped spinning
someone needs to get her out of the garbage can shes never gonna forgive us for this
Whatever dude, I don't feel bad about it. If my girlfriend finds out even SHE should give me a high five. That bitch was fine
Turns out puking in your mask makes it even harder to see out of the mask..
July fourth my place, drunken bubble slip n slide. Yes this is happening and yes I am 31
Chicks before dicks must only mean American dicks
I woke up with a thorn in my belly button. A THORN!
JUST BECAUSE I LIKE TO BE TIED UP AND SPANKED DOESNT MEAN IM GOING TO LIKE TO BE TIED UP AND SPANKED AT WORK
OMG -- There are strippers in the bathroom crying because their power moves aren't good enough to win the competition
and it's like......my shirt is off and he's talking about quidditch. why.
Should I wear my "kiss me I'm highrish" shirt for my drug screen today?
slept with a 6'5 mountain man from Montana and then he played 'Girls Just Wanna Have Fun' on repeat..
Don't do him, he's a Dolphins fan! A FUCKING DOLPHINS FAN!
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