when I scratched it gently some sort of watery looking stuff came out...so then I just stopped thinknig about it.
i think i have two assholes
By the grace of god and the ingenuity of Alexander Graham Bell, this text message is made possibe: YOU ARE A WHORE
I stumbled into my living room at 4 a.m. to find him hurling my laptop across the room and his pants around his ankles. Clearly his night didn't go as planned.
I wish you would always start your sentences with "speaking of my clit..."
It'll be a Christmas-Fucking-Miracle if we get through the ceremony without a groomsman vomming
What's the politically correct way of saying you've made someone your bitch?
Reunion weekend was a success. Had 3 ex's inside my vag. Hat trick!
All I really remember is shouting "THANKS FOR LETTING ME MAKE OUT WITH YOUR GIRLFRIEND."
What can I say? You have this amazing power over straight girls.
He is sitting on the foor in the soup aisle saying "to each their own soup"
I think my AA sponsor just booty called me.
Keep in mind this was 2012... YOLO was a very new concept.
If it makes u feel any better my dick feels pretty tender dude
Quick question, did I crash teeth with you when I snogged you, or did I headbutt something between the car and the bed last night?
When i was leaving for work this morning, i realized the neighbor was passed out drunk, with no pants, and a half eaten whopper on my lawn. Knowing that hey..we have all been there before.. i decided to give him a pillow and a blanket rather than wake him up.
Randomize
