I have a feeling we are going to become cougars together.
I just had to have my mom look at my penis to figure out what it was. How do you think my day is going?
I was blowdrying my hair this morning and I swear to god it smelled like franzia
After what u did to that bathroom I think the $30 and the "sorry I'm a jackass" note was the thing to do.
He was eating her out on the elevator. What a good man.
She just got out of the car and said "hold on purse.. It's going to be a bumpy ride"
You're the only true friend I have, if true friendship is based off who would be there for me at 4am during a boxed wine crisis.
I guarantee that wasn't the first penis someone placed on her forehead.
i dont know whats weirder. that i told him he stabbed me in my dream or that he told me i wasnt the first girl to tell him theyve been killed by him in a dream
Oh please not the Easy Cheese again. That was weird.
I was woken up at 6 am by a second grader trying to give me a sweatshirt for a pillow
My name will be tattooed on his ass by sunday.
What's an appropriate engagement gift for the girl that's marrying your brother's Tuesday night hookup? Cause all I can think of is vodka and Kleenex.
Fuck me I smell like cheese
After 25 beers and 3 shots my best friend thought it would be an amazing idea to get his dick pierced. We are on our way.
Randomize