i puked in the mini-firdge
we don't have a mini-fridge?
bought one. it ws too cheap to pass up. xcept now there's puke in it,,, but the freezer's fine so i feel pretty good about that
He had rug burn on his nose from my landing strip
i can't decided whether the fact that her nipples are bigger then her palms is a problem or not
Found out that no one else got Christmas bonuses...and you said nothing good could come from sleeping with my boss.
Don't worry. This time I'll get black out drunk so they'll just think it's an American thing.
The homeless guy out front said it's his birthday and he asked us to join him for happy hour after work. He's buying a fifth of gin to celebrate.
I guess our biggest consolation is that we haven't woken up in a hottub with a dead dude. Yet.
An hour ago, you were stranded out of state, and now you're getting laid? You are a god. Whatever you do, don't ask her name.
I feel like a blind man at a water park. Every step has the potential to be either fatal or lead to accidental, but totally enjoyable, sex.
So I wore a corset to school. Fuck laundry.
This couch is so comfortable I can tell if it's like a waterbed or I pissed myself
I woke up this morning with a text from my mom as to why the hell random people were showing up at the house. Turns out nobody came to our house party because I gave them my old address, fuck pre-partying for real
He will be so fat that the winter can not penetrate his blubber.
You got stoned and bought $300 worth of pudding. Again! Why do YOU think she left you?
An old Grimace plushie came to life and gave me a pretty knife. I'm never doing acid again.
Randomize
