her name is jenna, so i wanna cunt punt her
that's how i am about ashleys and britneys
I think I have swimmer's ear. From his tongue.
She was so drunk yelling at me in my driveway to fuck her. It was the ghetto version of Romeo and Juliet.
The problem with having your drunkeness documented at a wedding is not only does it show up all over facebook, but all over professional photography websites.
No. Do you know how much this carpet cost? If she comes over, you put down towels this time. i'm so not kidding.
im drinking italian dressing and watching dexter. its 230am. lets never drink on sundays again.
I was walking around outside with a basket of eggs. I feel like little house on the prairie: hungover edition.
Have you resumed life with the rest of the world yet or are you still huddled in the fetal position while wearing compression gear?
It took me 3 tries to get up the front steps. They kept me motivated by waving taco bell just out of my reach. Surprisingly effective.
Fell twice in five points. on my face. literally during a cross walk. The cars just went around me. 21st birthday memories right there
I'm at a loss. By loss I mean singing songs from Wicked and pretending I'm at the Oscars
Did you really eat 10 ice cream cones today?
It was tough but I powered through it.
I'm worried my dog collar isn't going to come in time. I might be trying on dog collars at PetSmart next week. That could get awkward.
That married penis I’ve been riding offered to pay off my student loans. I was going to break it off because he has lousy stamina. Is being debt free worth putting up with mediocre sex?
Bud light made chelada as a breakfast for those of us with class at 8 am
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