its good for cellulite if you don't wear underwear. its true
two more shots til everyone in this club gets to see my cesarean scars.
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but my underwear and it was on backwards and my entire body is too sore to move...
Im glad someone is finally more of a drunken slut than I am.
He has a clip art-style heart tattooed on his hip. I hated him way before I saw his tiny dick.
Explain it like you would if you were talking to a 5 yo
Wait no, like you would to a stoned high school freshman.
I put tequila in my salad dressing yesterday. Step the fuck up.
Come over. I've made 2 dinners and so many cocktails. I'm a 50's housewife with no family.
Wake your sexy ass up. It's donut time.
I was going down on her and she started whistling "Whistle while you work." I'm in love.
He's like a sexy bearded lumberjack who likes wine.. I can't lose..
Just once I'd like to go out and not have to tell you to put your pants back on.
It's not my fault you decided to fall in love with a Frodo Baggins lookalike
You took all of your clothes off and tried to seduce me and while trying to seduce me you decided you were too drunk and passed out.
Freshly fucked must agree with my hair cause I've gotten compliments on it this afternoon
So I said "fuck it" and made myself a sandwich
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