he wasnt completely random
you're right. you met him once and didnt know his name. you still dont
i get things done.
i friday night watching house. god, i need a life, friends, and a legitimate fake id.
Pretty girls always come out on top. Or bottom. Whatever. Point is we come out with their boyfriends.
there's a lady drinking out of a red cup in class. HAPPY FRIDAY
He just knocked over the beer pong table... I haven't seen so much fail in one room since I watched "Mall Cop" with my grandma
if i hear one more christmas song, i will fucking shoot myself.
Dear drunk me, don't shave my balls til you're sober. My junk looks like a pomeranian with mange.
I don't even know where to begin....there's queso sauce and public hair stuck to everything
Sudden memory flashback: drunk me outside ripping my tampon out and throwing it into the neighbors yard, silently cheering 'time for sexxxx'. I sense a dangerous pattern emerging
Looked like a bag of smashed assholes and smelt like a brewery - still got morning sex. Marriage rules sometimes!
If I get laid tonight it will 1.) Prove that the sex gods do in fact exist, and 2.) Show that I am one motherfucking badass bitch.
the hole that the tears left- fill it with pizza
Some how my underwear was hanging from the antlers of a antelope head on the wall of the hotel........
Help. I am eating nachos. But I'm with some guy. I need help. I don't know where I am. The nachos were so good. I'll bring them but help me.
it was weird going down on him. His picture of Jesus was staring at me the entire time...
Randomize