you said the mailboxes were turning into babies and they started crawling away. then you cried and asked me how you were gonna get your college acceptance letters
Even My mom was ashamed of me bringing her home, she pulled me aside, and told me i can do better than, "butter faces"
She keeps stunt undies in her bag, 2 sizes too small. She leaves them behind so the guy thinks he was luckier than he was...
maybe next time you'll take an ex boyfriend warning you that she's batshit crazy as a warning instead of a challenge
Riding on an electric horse at the grocery store... dunno how that conversation went but I hope you picked up a 12 pack.
She took the bride and groom figures and the top layer of their cake and tried to walk out of the reception with it in her purse.
Okay: Whipped cream, vodka, and a trampoline. This will either be really great, or really tragic.
Woke up this morning buried in a mountain of chex mix and bubble wrap. We must have been doing something great last night
Expect nothing less than me teaching them how to do shots and put condoms on
he attacked my vagina with the force of a thousand suns
you were afraid hed set himself on fire so you dumped a box of baking soda on him
Found a piece of twizzler in my buttcrack.
I'll have you know my trust issues and my daddy issues are two COMPLETELY different topics of conversation.
Getting drunk in an Applebee's pray for me
Lord god protect this child
Well, I dont really know how much penis you have at your disposal so I cant be sure
Randomize
