You were telling me about how you were gonna marry him, have his children and name them all woodchip.
I could tell by the Randy 'Machoman' Savage "hey brother" that you were beyond inebriated
Make sure you take the apple pie out of your pocket before you pass out.
What time did you start drinking?
Maybe.
Maybe isn't a time...
Doing lines of coke with a $100 dollar bill off a 6in x 9in photo of your childhood self really tells you where you where you've gotten in life.
you're good to come back. The bouncer pulled me aside and told me. He also said you have nothing to worry about and that you have an awesome "upper punch" or some shit
She rode an inflatable shark down the stairs. Viva shark week.
From the same High Brittany who brought you such thoughts as, "Fuck, am I wearing shoes?" Comes High Brittany on a date! Stay tuned. This will be interesting.
Eat your greens and take your tequila shots
Why are friend nudes not more of a thing? My tits look awesome right now.
Then again I went over his house after not hanging out since kindergarten and tried to fuck him so maybe I'm partially to blame here
Trying to figure out why my back is hurting. And then I remember I got fucked up against a tree last night
Dude, who WASN'T thinking of motorboating her?
Met this british guy. Played pool. Broke into an apartment and had sex
After returning from the hospital with lock-jaw from getting tackle at the game. Some naked chick busted out of his room and hit him with a devastating haymaker to the jaw because he wouldn't have sex
Randomize
