Desperate + desperate does not equal a fun night.
Important life lesson - flammable and inflammable mean the same thing
Babe. Honestly. Trust me. Your balls are not that big. And i'm eager.
Guess who won bingo at the senior center and is going to jail all in the same night?
Holy shit, you lost your virginity on 11/11/11. Now every time someone fucks you, they can make a wish. Your vagina has officially been transformed into a wishing well.
I'm going out with a guy whose nickname is Shark Week cause he'll eat anyone. I'm very excited.
Ya I don't think I'm going anywhere, a cum towel, beer, and Vicodin was just exchanged in our white elephant present game
OMG THE KID WHO TRIED TO MAKE OUT AT THE BAR WITH ME IS SITTIG NEXT TO ME IN THE AIRPORT. WHY LIFE WHY???
But in defense of this shit summer we've had, I totally perfected my shotgunning skills. I have achieved my summer goal.
Ok, they now been on the roof for two days. I can see 4 cases of teecate and a carton of smokes. They are yelling at "fucking fall" and pissing off the roof.
how do you tell someone, in the most complimentary way possible, that they would make an excellent stripper?
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
It wasn't my fault.
You let her suck your neck. Yes it was your fault.
I know you think you’re ready to graduate but just keep these things in mind: taxes, I get up at 5 AM every morning, I have to buy vegetables when I go grocery shopping, and I can’t wear sweat pants to work. Take that victory lap and enjoy the sweat pants and bar hopping because it goes downhill real quick.
I now have scissors specifically made for cutting dicks off.
Randomize
