next person that tells me Facebook is a professional tool is getting kicked in the teeth.
my affection for youporn is starting to get disturbing... i just thought about sending them a christmas card
is it bad that upon arriving to my fourth sex toy party the sex toy lady instantly recognizes me?
I just need you there to slap my dick when im flirting with her
I just watched a girl in the library pull a vodka bottle out of her bag. I think I'm going to give her my number.
it's ok. you also told me I can feel free to vomit on your blow dryer sometime.
he handed me my panties in front of my date. turns out he wasn't that mad.
You had salsa out and brought a banana on a plate to bed
I kindof just wanted to go downstairs and let his dad know how good his son was at sex
Well I almost walked away with an Irish guy's boarding pass and some south guy's dignity
My code for I need help will be if I'm holding a bud light lime..
Considering what happened last night and how horrible I feel, I look amazing
Just looked at my bank statement. 9 out of 10 transactions on the first page were from 9 different bars. The 10th was for birth control pills at the pharmacy. I need to rethink my lifestyle.
Ummm so he didn't think I was serious about breaking up... Most awkward conversation ever
The neighbor just poured gasoline on his 2 brush fires and proceeded to shoot Roman candles at them 🤔
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