No, don't ignore my call, i just need to know, whats cuter a pig in boots or a miniature horse sitting down..
I really liked your hair last night but that style makes it really hard to hold it while you puke
I kind of feel like guidos are mythical creatures.
After she came with my hands around her neck, she sat there for a minute and gave me the scuba diving sign for a-ok.
His penis was definitely too big to be the type that wants commitment. Shit.
I had to break up with him he didn't understand my priorities. I'm sorry but Saturday nights are for pot and Doctor Who. I'm not going to change who I am.
I've never felt more disgusting in my life. And I'm including the time I snuggled that homeless woman in the puddle of my whiskey vomit.
I piss off the neighbors just so I can have someone to compete with.
So did you grab that log full of poison ivy for the fire and then apparently take a piss on Saturday night too or was that just me?
will we ever learn or are we destined for a life of poison ivy covered balls?
apparently, dueling with garden tools in Home Depot is strictly frowned upon
He wrote me a Haiku titled, "Let me touch your butt".
They forgot my ranch. They're dead to me.
Well I just saw a fully naked man doing a headstand in a cooler of ice water.
Ran up to the dollar store to get batteries for my vibrator. Happy Valentines Day!
Your participation in the democratic process makes me horny AF
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