Apparently faking a threesome isn't as much fun as you'd think
today i learned why jack sparrow loved rum so fucking much
He just became a fan of Chelsea Handler on Facebook. WHY DO I ALWAYS PICK THE GAY ONE
you're letting him buy you a plane ticket...to kentucky...so you can fuck him?
i know. i'm only adding to the interstate sex trade problem.
He let me keep his flannel as a "good job" for the great head I gave him.
you called her butter tits and then threw up in your cup. i dont know if theres any way to come back from that
Having a dry hump session to Alvin and the chipmunks surprisingly didn't kill the mood. He's that good.
You told my mom you were going to "Raw Dawg some randoms." That Drunk.
im currently assessing the tequila situation in preparation of your arrival
You're the only person I know who could blow literal chunks, laugh about it, then proceed to shotgun another beer. Love you champ.
Is this the 6 foot tall blonde I screwed in the bar last weekend?
In the bar?! Very impressive! But keep guessing!
Just got to her place. Her parents are here and are high as a kite.
Her father just game me a high 5 as they left the room. Her mom leaned in and said "this is a rebound thing"
Definitely! I will do that this week. Right now, watching drag queens play with my dad's beard.
Did you take the full box of samoas or do I not remember getting baked and eating half a box by myself?
I can't tell if my need for dick is more than my want to strangle him
Randomize
