Im drinkin out of a coconut! I think im gonna dip my balls in it!
That's the last time I fill my pockets with sushi.
She threw up in my garbage can last night and walked home with it this morning so she could clean it out...
She is dropping it off on the way to the bar at 7.
Just found my shirt from Saturday, got an automatic contact buzz.
I woke up to a bag of pies and a lot of questions
What an age we live in that I can try to pick up a guy by using my phone while I'm taking a shit at work.
I guess I can give it a shot. I usually just get belligerently drunk and go where my penis and feet lead me. No fights or getting too lost, so they seem to be doing a good job
Eric was just sitting there open-mouthed swallowing sake from that squirt bottle for so long the lady across from us leaned over to her kid and told him not to end up like "the big alcoholic one"
my throat is bruised, my back is scarred, my vagina feels like it's going to fall off.. you're like godzilla. you destroy everything.
Also I think I realized when my life started to turn into shambles.. The day I took my high school senior picture WITH A HICKEY ON MY NECK
I need you to be best friend brutally honest about whether or not I can go into public like this.
He kept kissing me on the cheek when I was pretending to sleep while he cried
I heard a crunch while giving him head. I looked up and he was eating Cheese Itz. So we made a deal that he'd take a hand job so I could eat them too.
I walked in on my sister eating my leftover burrito naked. How could my night have gotten any worse?
long story short... we may or may not have lost your car.
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