I find it ironic that homeless people are so good in bed
I just threw up during my phone interview for the largest PR firm in the world.
I know its only noon but, Im too drunk to hold this baby...
Well I pulled a muscle in my leg dancing in the tanning booth drunk at 1 pm soooo there's that
Had to go see my sisters new baby this morn in the clothes I wore to the rave last night. Still drunk. Almost dropped it. I'll be a good aunt right?
The sad thing was my husband told her its ok to make out with me. Bar Tuesdays will live on regardless.
I told you all we needed steroids to survive the tour de franzia, like the bikers. But nobody listened...
Cassie is wearing a baseball cap. This rebound is going nowhere
We've been walking through the woods for two hours, he just keeps taking pictures. At least we'll remember this tomorrow.
Yes but funny for a 45 year old hell bent on reliving her college days by giving body shots and hand jobs. Not necessarily in that order
He got me off while watching hockey. He's a keeper.
One day no one will want to send me dick pics so by all means keep 'em coming
According to Joseph, last night I crawled into bed and told him to pretend I'm his French maid, and then started speaking with a German accent, and referring to his manbits as "ze greatest Weiner schnitzel I'd ever seen". Basically, last night was a roaring success.
Come home... I’m drinking and playing with knives
I keep worrying she's gonna have a repeat of the time the ceiling fan was talking in Chinese
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