im pretty sure i tried to attack the vending machine last night
lol who won
well im in the hospital right now so u tell me
did the hipsters beat you up because you are more ironic than they are?
his status popped up and said 'probably going to jail.' it took everything i had not to press the like button
wicked high...have munchies. cherry flavor lube. problem solved.
What's the kids name that was drinking stale beer and redbull out of the blender?
the "its better than getting an actual virus from an actual porn star" argument failed.
Maybe its all the xanax she takes but she literally has NO shame
By the way, I got bored last night and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
i mean, not my actual scene but if someone says "PARTY" ill figure it out
That would be a mascot riding an ATV at a semi-professional hockey game, if that doesn't sum up how I've been I don't know what could
Soooo I think my neighbor just saw me masturbating on my porch
He was gone for 5 minutes, opened the car door and said, "Don't eat my shit." and dropped Chipotle on the passenger seat. He was gone for another 10 minutes and came back with Coldstone. That stoned.
Like, I just want a guy who will drop what he's doing to come touch my vagina whenever I want and to leave me the hell alone whenever I want. Is that SO MUCH TO ASK??
I begin to question your sobriety when you both left here shirtless, with beers in one hand and shotguns in the other
He had a tattoo of the Batman logo around his asshole. I noped right the hell out of there.
Randomize
