Is it sad that the only reason I haven't lapsed into depression is that I'm prettier than her?
Nah, we all need something.
He threw up over the balcony and blamed it on an invisible garden gnome.
I want you to know that after i type the word "your" vagina is next on my predictive tex
Right before he passed out, he said "Stuporman, coming in for a landing"
I don't remember him, but he's saved in my phone as "uh oh zbt"
chlamydia ends and my period begins. this isnt real life
While you were puking in the ocean I was rubbing your back saying "Just give it back to Mother Earth".
i guess when we were done i grunted "unforgiveable" and walked out.
Getting too drunk for the hot dog vendor to serve me is possibly a sign of an alcohol problem. I threw up in the sewer grates next to his stand
Can you send me a picture of you not naked, my mom wants to see what you look like
it was her dad's 50th birthday kegger. Within the first 5 minutes I got punched in the ear from an off-duty cop and smoked a joint the size of my vibrator.
oh yeah, and she got boxed-out by said cop. Then her dad turned around and high-fived him for it
Yeah. That's the shitty part. God, I don't want to be a step mom. Sure I'm great with kids, but I just want unlimited sex and not have to worry about making friends with a fucking 7 year old.
My one night stand just messaged me and said he is praying for me...
going on fb and having 11 notifications all from you is absolutely horrifying
it looks like a nuclear can of fuck blew up in here
Randomize
