Got home from the bar at 4am. 100% sober, unlaid. Epic fail or responsible behavior?
Responsible fail?
hes 24 and dating a highschool junior and keeps saying how happy he is. happy about what? her ACT score??
There need to be more gay people on my afternoon soaps.
make sure to take notes today. there is a guy in a wheelchair who might be getting a DUI from a cop on horseback. I'm gonna see this through.
You were in my dream and you got the lyrics to lollipop tattooed on your chest. Don't get it, it wasnt that cool.
You realize it's finals week?
Ya that's the school's fault. St. Patrick's day came first.
Its ok we found him,,, He is in the bathroom trying to write his life story on a roll of toilet paper.
its not a holiday until ive ruined the family picture because im drunk
Our cab driver looks like Kim Jong il, and you're missing a fascinating conversation about Katie wanting to be carbon dated.
I think we should roll her a welcome back, sorry your godmom's on life support blunt.
If I had cancer, and got to make a wish, id make the organization force your dad to fuck me.
It looks like I murdered a care bear and put its blood in my hair to warn the others off.
I just heard your voicemail. Glad you like my dick and think I'm cool
I'm about to make existential crisis tacos.
I was supposed to go on a date tonight but I cancelled because I found out the Lizzie McGuire movie is on Netflix.
Randomize
