We've finally become those guys who you'd see in middle school when you went to the park who are just stoned out of their minds sitting on the swings.
she was handing out condoms w/ her number on them...
It was like riding a jackhammer on a train during an earthquake. THAT amazing.
You are not about to raise that baby deer, you can BARELY raise yourself... Return it to it's mom now.
I'm an EMT, not a miracle worker. No, I can't fix your sprained dick.
Let me know when ur ready so I can throw up one last time then brush my teeth
No we are not "bros" because I came out of my moms vagina& you went in there.
Well he's a 33 year old furniture salesman that picked up at 19 year old buying a bedroom set for her room. I can see how that would be awkward
This guy at the airport was telling me 3/4 dudes in his group got rufied at some strip club. One guy woke up in the hospital, another found himself in a random parking garage, the other got back to the room and they all shit their pants. Go Vegas.
Listen you let me know what you're doing after drinking rum punch all morning
8 stitches. Next time I decide to twerk while doing a keg stand, stop me.
And he's back on taking these stupid testosterone supplements to kickstart him back into working out. And they just make him angry and horny all the time. I'm like great, just in time to meet my whole family for Christmas.
My saturday night consisted of sewing my Halloween costume and watching Blues Clues
You actually...sewed your costume?
If they start to date again I refuse to help her sext him. Helping my mom sext my dad is where I draw the line.
never let me tell the bartender to cut me off, i basically told on myself
Randomize
