Me hooking up with her is like rush being president. Bad news.
I went to the gynecologist and they said, "you're the most fun person we've ever had," and i thought, "that's exactly why i'm here!"
I'm guessing "whatever I can get" wasn't the reply the nurse wanted when asking what med I need. Oh, and asked for a cartoon band-aid.
you fell asleep spooning with his golden retriever. im not sure if thats more degrading for you or the dog
every time fb tells me a dude i fucked is now friends with another dude ive fucked, i die a little inside. thats way more honesty than im comfortable with.
my shower just felt like jesus cried on me. like he shed tears just for my shower.
Just rented the SCUBA equipment. Meet me at the pool to test the underwater beer bong idea.
you know it's gonna be a good 4/20 when you start saving up for it in january.
That's all? I'm a pro at gay chicken. I'll touch his dick, I have no problem with that.
No. I either had a 6 minute orgasm or I had so many I lost count. I'm still not sure.
Oh I know babe. You're shining beacon of adult responsibility. That's why I go down on you.
I go down on you because abs
I'm pmsing and only have one functional foot
That's a gentle way of saying I passed out like an 18-year-old on his first trip to Tijuana
ya I went to the grocery store literally just for cheese and condoms
-367$ and a torn scrotum.. Panama wins
Randomize
