Yes give me all the cream and he's gone
He started yelling "we're making a baby" mid thrust.. probably not the right guy for me right?
Guess who is high enough to buy Jingle All The Way?
apparently i was just sitting there with my shirt down holding my boobs saying "its ok. its all gonna be ok"
After having to meet his mom half naked, running into the tree in front of her didn't seem so bad.
I'm taking this break up pretty rough.. I've never been to sad to masturbate.
I found out that they tried to reenact the Snooki drop by using a jump rope and the banister. Pictures say it all.
I just canoed to the bar. I am a skilled drunk paddler.
Apparently I told a girl last night, that's she's super beautiful and I don't want to fuck she just deserves being eaten out
You sent me a cat video and you screaming drunkenly in my background
I just got stoned alone and repierced my nose. don't ever tell me I'm unaccomplished
I just got stoned by myself and am eating cookies so I'm right there with you
i feel like i am made of mashed potatoes. i love cannabis pills so. fucking. much.
Side note: I just realized that I can make my hand warmers double as a heated push up bra.
Well start with a list of things you don't want to do... Like maybe 1) I don't want join Isis. That's a good start.
People don't believe me when I say the bruises are from work. They just smile and say "right." Trust me, I WISH my sex life was that exciting.
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