somehow you got everyone naked by playing strip rock paper scissors.
nothing cures the holiday blues like an open bar
you were so high that you made a 14 page PowerPoint on why Santa would beat Peter pan in a fight.
and I must say, you were very persuasive
I'm more picky about my flip flops than the guys I sleep with
The look I see on guys faces when they realize my nipples are pierced remind me of when my mom used to come home from the grocery store and surprise me with poptarts.
Woke up with a full plate of KFC next to my face. I didn't really question it.
I made Mark strip for me and do a stripper dance. I put 2 dollars in his mouth
IT'S LINGERIE PURCHASED FROM A FLEA MARKET, THE ONLY THING IT'S GOING TO BE POSITIVE FOR IS A TEST FOR HIV
Got home to the hotel 3hrs ago per texts sent not in english to not a full phone number
I refused to call him anything but Drake eyebrows all night.
I have this vague feeling that I was involved in a dance off with a homeless man?
apparently i came home last night raving about goats and singing songs from muppet treasure island
I woke up in a cornfield to shouting, a bottle of Jim Beam, and a bunch of mc muffins. If this doesn't scream Illinois, idk what does.
I need a hoe opinion
go on
Woke up in my boxers on a subway with a phone number written on my arm in lipstick..Best Night EVER.
Randomize
