WTF. you left me with no condoms and you ate all my mac and cheese. scumbag.
Sometimes, when I'm driving alone I talk to myself in a Russian accent so I think it's my mommy and it calms me down.
The only word I understood in that whole setence was semen.
Jon thought he was that blonde chick from Three's Company when he was shrooming
All I know is that your reaction after this date with him was "I think I did cocaine" so I'm sold on this boy
You are the tramp this city needs, but not the one it deserves.
I was dancing with a blow torch in one hand and a bowl of weed in the other
Look at all the pictures I have of us sucking on jello syringes.
I just ate beer and cupcakes for breakfast.... maybe this fourth of july won't be so bad
Must've forgot to hang up with her when I was telling Josh I plan to pop champagne if I nail her tonight. She showed up with a bottle and said "only if we can toast it with Josh"
You mowed a straight line through three yards because you were, and I fucking quote, "In the zone." I think they know.
The dysfunction is strong in this one.
I'm just imagining Oprah like "you're popping a boner, and you're popping a boner...EVERYONE IS POPPING A BONER"
I think I won an award for shitting and vomiting at the same time.
I’m on my way to fuck the new hockey player
Ride him like a Zamboni
Randomize
