So there are ramen noodles in the shower you need to explain...
It's cold our but I feel like a very blazed penguin
i felt horrible..i wanted to somehow give him his vcard back
that's a non refundable transaction sweetheart
just drunkenly made mashed potatoes at midnight. what have you done for your calorie intake lately?
Thursday nights need to stop happening to me.
Im going to make a sandwich and see if my books came from amazon. I cant believe two years ago i was dating eight guys and teaching russian exchange students how to do shots.
Bailing my boss from jail at five in the morning.. If thats not a promotion I don't what is.
We are so blessed to to have nicely shaped vaginas
I thank god almighty everyday
my neighbors having band practice on sunday morning is a message from the universe that I should stop drinking
I DON'T EVEN KNOW ONE MINUTE IM SITTING HER THE NEXT IM FLYING PASSED THE MOON
PISSING MYSELF IN ZERO GRAVITY
THOSE AIN'T STARS U SEE TONIGHT GURL
On celebration of the Supreme Court ruling I feel it is our patriotic duty to have a threesome
Is "I am going to murder you if you keep sending me requests that I cannot fulfill" unprofesh?
He said something last night about making crepes, but after getting pissed on in bed, I question everything.
I am so sorry. Not sure for what, but whatever I did last night probably merits an apology, so I'm covering my bases.
Oh yeah, you are a real peach except for shitting uncontrollably and bleeding out of your face.
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