just mention it in a side comment sometime today... like oh by the way i have a daughter but um yeah my day was good
Thank god i puked near the cancer center. makes me look like a chemo patient
Sober December ended when I found beer behind my bed...I lost $2000 but spent 6 hours sober. Meet me at the bar?
St Patricks Day is not the day you decide to have a sober epiphany.
Man, I thought my dick was gonna fall off.
Dude, I didn't even think they made slap bracelets anymore. You okay?
We thought she was passed out on the toilet, but she raised her head to tell me the word I couldn't remember was "empathize." Then she puked blood and passed out.
You know you're at a low point when you're sucking vodka out if your hair.
Duuuuuuuude, I need you to sleep with my girlfriend so I can tell you both to move out
So if I get kidnapped from my office and go missing for a few days does that count against my vacation days and do I still get paid?
Mom, I'm really sorry you saw my naked ex-boyfriend in the living room this morning. I can explain....but I'd rather just stick with this apology and be done with it
My liver is preforming stress tests.
Per my usual Thursday, I blacked out and slept on the stairs.
Why the fuck am I at this dorm meeting? I don't pay $50,000 a year to stay sober.
Your penis caused this!
Just make sure you put pants on
....then im not going
Randomize
